Key events
Second Half!
The circus has re-opened
“Imagine South Africa at the end of that half. 10 ahead, 90 seconds to go.” sighs a weary Tim Atkin. “England kick the ball. Give away a penalty. Then a yellow. Then a penalty try. Abysmal game management. Genge has given the French 14 points.”
Imagine if the second half is 3-0 or something. That would put the top hat on a game that’s flirting with high farce.
“Amazing what happens when you don’t have any pressure, Lee.” posits Guy Hornsby. “England like a different team, causing France so many problems all over the park. But once again, we have been terrible in the air and can’t keep our discipline. We really do have an incredible ability to punch ourselves in the face.”
HALF TIME!
PEEEEP! That’s the end of a very eventful half of rugby union football. Everyone take a minute.
YELLOW CARD! Ellis Genge (England)
And Genge is given his marching orders as a result.
PENALTY TRY! France 24 – 27 England
40+3 mins. After a long TMO review, the ref determines Genge collapsed the maul that was heading for the line, and so a penalty try is awarded
40+2 mins. The catch and drive comes one from France, which is contained by England but not without infringing. The ball is moved to the back on the advantage but Barrassi knocks on and so we will come back to the penalty.
40 mins. From the lineout the home side hammer into the 22 from a ball off the top. The phases are solid but unspectacular and diminishing returns set in. However, there was an advantage being played and France opt to send it to the corner rather than take points and end the half.
39 mins. Murley runs underneath Ramos as the fullback rises to claim a kick. Penalty to France.
PENALTY! France 17 – 27 England (Fin Smith)
38 mins. The visitors are on fire at the moment, and their latest pressure has Barrassi drifting offside in a very kickable midfield position, which Smith does not waste.
TRY! France 17 – 24 England (Alex Coles)
33 mins. England’s pack put on a massive shove to drive the French scrum backwards until it splinters under the pressure. The Ref’s arm shoots skywards to award a penalty and the noise from the England players is like someone has just told them the war is over.
The ball is in the corner again, two drives are sent into midfield before Spencer fizzes a miss-three pass to Chessum lurking on the left wing to throw a pass inside to Coles to dive over.
Smith adds two.
31 mins. A big carry from Roebuck sets up Atkinson to pop to Freeman who goes past the outside shoulder of Dupont and into the French half. The offload is attempted but Daly can’t hold it so France will have another scrum, this time in their own half.
29 mins. A Jalibert kick is fumbled forward by Daly, but a blue jersey cannot gather up the scraps and so France have a scrum outside the 22. They move it to the blind side for Jalibert to have a dancing run, but his offload is forced and goes to ground; it was always a high risk/reward option.
TRY! France 17 – 17 England (Ollie Chessum)
27 mins. The catch and drive comes again from England, with 11 players called in to drive the maul over. France stop the first big drive, but then as the pick and goes come there are just too many French defenders tied up and Chessum and muscle over from short.
Fin Smith adds a conversiom
25 mins. England win a lineout from a penalty and start a mega maul that rolls a full fifteen metres. France are reeling and scrambling and infringe at the maul in their helplessness to stop it and give away another penalty. It’s just inside the French 22 and Smith puts it in the corner.
PENALTY! France 17 – 10 England (Thomas Ramos)
22 mins. On the ball and in the England half, France are moving it fluidly while Ollivon and Meafou eat up some ground and defenders. The ball moves left and into the 22 before another tricky kick puts Murley under pressure over his own line. The ball is grounded almost simultaneously by Murley and Jalibert, both of whom claim to have grounded it.
The TMO takes a look, and it was the England winger who just gripped the ball first and so it’s NO TRY!
But advantage was being played for offside, so Ramos takes the points from the tee.
TRY! France 14 – 10 England (Caden Murley)
18 mins. France are back on the ball in the England half, but they end up moving backwards after a poor pass from auxiliary scrum half Bielle-Biarrey. A penalty is awarded to England for crossing which they use to move up the field.
Spencer angles a kick to Attissogbe’s corner and the young winger makes a mess of gathering it, spills it over his own line under pressure from Smith, and Murley is first to it to dab it down.
Conversion missed.
15 mins. A team have entered the 22 and not scored a try! This is not a drill! And it was England. The trouble was gathering for the French defence before there was some crossing in midfield to award a relieving penalty to France.
13 mins. This game is silly so far. I have nothing else to offer in terms of analysis.
TRY! France 14 – 5 England (Louis Bielle-Biarrey)
12 mins. Another 22 entry, another try. This time it was Jalibert angling a kick to the Bielle-Biarrey corner which was perfectly judged for he winger to gather and run another one in.
Ramos adds two.
TRY! France 7 – 5 England (Tom Roebuck)
9 mins. England work eight impactful phases into the the 22 and out to the right wing via slick hands from F Smith and Daly for Roebuck to dive in the corner. A classy try that, and the best of the tournament from England probably.
Smith misses the extras.
“Are they taking the mick with these kits?” asks Josh Keeling. “I mean, seriously, how has that been allowed?”
For reasons of style, Josh, I can only assume.
TRY! France 7 – 0 England (Louis Bielle-Biarrey)
6 mins. Another kick up the left which Murley looks to have covered until the rapid winger sweeps in, takes advantage of a kind bounce and streaks over.
Ramos converts.
4 mins. The scrum is solid from the French pack and Dupont can boot clear eventually. The ball is soon back in their hands and Ramos looks to drive a kick into open pasture up the left touchline for Bielle-Biarrey to chase. It screws off his boot and into touch, which is a relief for England because had it landed in play then no-one would’ve caught the meep-meeping winger at full gas.
2 mins. England are on the ball and moving quickly and with strength. Daly is up from fullback into the 13 channel to angle a cute grubber into coffin corner that puts Attissogbe in all sorts of bother. It it wasn’t for an England chaser slapping the ball forward that was a try.
Instead, France must deal with a defensive 5m scrum
Kick Off!
We’re underway
Officials tonight.
Referee: Nika Amashukeli.
Assistant Referees: Andrew Brace and Hollie Davidson.
Television Match Official: Brett Cronan
The disco lights are on, the fires a lit, the horse muck has been cleared and the teams are on their way out. Soon a match will break out.
An email from Harry Lang
“In this underdog epic of a 6 Nations? Andaccording to the Zack Crawley law of last ditch English salvation we’ll probably smash the French and all recent failures will be forgiven ‘til after a humiliating World Cup.. Allez les sous chiens (sorry, French A Level was a while back).”
Ok, so there are two people dressed as hybrid Power Rangers/Boba Fett on horseback to bring the match ball on. The horses then each pull a wheelie* before heading off. This is something to do with the 120 year anniversary, once again.
I hope the players are not expected to shake hands with the horses as part of the pre-match formalities.
*I’m sure it’s not called a wheelie, but I know nothing of horses, having only ever been on donkeys in my life. None of which pulled whatever they call a wheelie in equine circles.
Speaking of the 120 year anniversary of Le Crunch, there is a special edition France shirt (which is gorgeous by the way, and already sold out) but it’s a very pale blue and will clash a bit with England white.
Pre-match reading to get you in the mood
The final game of the tournament is upon us, share your thoughts on this and anything else from the past few weeks if you like on this very email. I look forward to reading them.
Teams
France
Thomas Ramos; Theo Attissogbe, Pierre‑Louis Barassi, Yoram Moefana, Louis Bielle‑Biarrey; Matthieu Jalibert, Antoine Dupont; Jean‑Baptiste Gros, Julien Marchand, Dorian Aldegheri; Thibaud Flament, Emmanuel Meafou; Francois Cros, Temo Matiu, Charles Ollivon.
Replacements: Peato Mauvaka, Rodrigue Neti, Demba Bamba, Hugo Auradou, Mickael Guillard, Joshua Brennan, Baptiste Serin, Emilien Gailleton.
England
Elliot Daly; Tom Roebuck, Tommy Freeman, Seb Atkinson, Cadan Murley; Fin Smith, Ben Spencer; Ellis Genge, Jamie George, Joe Heyes; Maro Itoje, Alex Coles; Ollie Chessum, Guy Pepper, Ben Earl.
Replacements: Luke Cowan‑Dickie, Bevan Rodd, Trevor Davison, Chandler Cunningham‑South, Sam Underhill, Henry Pollock, Jack van Poortvliet, Marcus Smith.
Preamble
It is 120 years since England first played France in the game of rugby union football, the fixture that came to be known as Le Crunch. Just six weeks or so ago, according to common wisdom, this anniversary match looked to be perfectly positioned to host a Grand Slam decider; a tie of apposite stature to mark the occasion.
The problem is that other teams – Italy, Ireland and Scotland; nations that couldn’t give one for such matters – took great delight in splintering the received narrative; and so we find ourselves with a contest of diminished reward of outcome, but not of context and interest.
France have underperformed. The talent at the disposal of Fabien Galthie buckled when Scotland applied the first real test, and it became very apparent that they are not coached well enough. They must demonstrate today that this is not the case, or that they can arrest the decline quickly.
Steve Borthwick and his England team arrive in Paris shrouded in the miasma of an inquisition already started in earnest regarding his suitability for the job, the gameplan, and the leadership in the squad. Very few wish to entertain the probable truth that England’s players are are a long way from great and likely no better than good at this level; so the interminable reviews and think-pieces will continue until morale improves. In the meantime, they must show they can stop going behind in matches early then losing their minds either by failing to convert in the 22 or coughing up penalties and yellow cards.
Following Ireland’s win earlier today the task for France is simple: win the game and they win the Championship, lose and Ireland take the trophy. For England, lose the game and trudge listlessly into the tournament post-mortem, but a win…and exactly the same thing happens.